By Idongesit Imuk 
Insecured citizens of West Africa’s Gold Coast nation, forcing their country’s nationality on the now viral guiness world record aspireé and Kitchen mongul: HILDA EFFIONG BASSEY, on Elon Musk’s now commercialized blue bird app, and the other internet space, has got to be the most RIDONCULOUS and hilarious case of national identity theft I’ve stumbled on so far.
But isn’t that constitutionally criminal by international laws? Ripping one’s national ID off and bestowing on them an un-real, un-true and non-existent one, isn’t there a section of international law that forbids that? Vincent Effiong you studied political science, enlighten us more on this ette 😏😏
Meanwhile, it would interest us, fellow zuckerberg-ites, to know, that it was this same Hilda lady, that led Nigeria to victory, in what was a heated “which-is-better?” JOLLOF RICE cooking competition organized some time last year, with the aim to settle the long bitter cold war, that’s brewed and seethed for years, between my country and the other tiny west african country, over whose jollof rice is better.
Ofcourse, as expected, Miss Bassey led us to victory!
Now she’s taken up the gauntlet, to break TATA TONDON’s record, a fellow himalayan neighbour. It’s the sheer tenacity for me. While young ladies her age are living their lives’ dreams of being local porn stars on tiktok and jobless internet yellers, this young woman sets her mind to break and make a world record at a mere 27! What ambitiousness! What fiery passion!
Accepting to probably die from exhaustion, while mixing in-pot-on-fire condiments for 96 hours straight, with nothing more than an hour’s break in-between, is only what someone with a dream can do.
The guiness world record community had better start crafting her plaque and stop all that “WE NEED TO GATHER EVIDENCE” talk I’m seeing plastered all over social media. Our girl’s gone triple michelin star status overnight!
God knows I won’t be surprised if GORDON RAMSAY shows up in Lagos any moment from now to do what he does best: globetrotting, tasting every dish that is set before him, cooking with uncivilized tribes in jungles and forbidden islands, as well as cursing at sluggish kitchen aides and using the “f” word one too many times as his temper allows him.
That man has an inexplicable attraction to anything that involves stimulating one’s taste buds and the rest of the stuff the glossopharyngeal nerve does to ingested food; never seen a man so passionate about food the very essence of his person has come to be defined by it.
Hilda’s insidiously becoming a household name, at the global level even.
Post cook-a-thon, I smell a national award from our soon-to-be-sworn-in GCFR/GCON, a truckload of endorsement deals from food companies littered all over the globe, a more than generous amount of “will you marry me?” proposals from high brow Lagos eligible bachelors, banana island variant to be specific 🙃🙃, a much deserved BBC Africa documentary on her craft, drive, expertise, new found fame and everything else in between. We all know the drill!
Miss Bassey, like other great men and women of substance before her, whose passion, drove them to scaling terrific heights, is fast becoming a marble structure, frozen in time.
