TALES FROM WOKÉ REPUBLIC: Chronicles of the Untold Nightmare of a Female Feminist[OPINION]

By Idongesit Imuk

…the chronicles of the untold nightmares of a feminist…

So you’re pushing feminism…

Ever since your auditory apparatus caught wind of that wild western liberal movement, you’ve taken it upon yourself, to hide under it and spread misogyny and man hate, in the name of fight for women’s right and emancipation.

You’re a beautiful woman, and suitors are coming to you, asking for your hand in marriage. Deep within you, you long, desire and burn with the urge to settle down, have a man to yourself, one you can call your own.

But every time you go on facebook to see fake posts made by seemingly angry feminists, who spend the major part of their daily alloted 24 hours, spinning and spilling fake stories and lies of how they have subdued their husbands at home, how their children now bear their one fathers’ names (the woman), instead of that of their husbands, how their husbands have accepted them as to share in the much embattled head of the family position.

Whenever you see these fabricated lies, your head spins, the blood vessels that supply your cerebral cortex constrict in anger, and that fuels you with a wild and devilish sort of righteous indignation that rises in your stomach, goes up your gullet and threatens to dislodge the tubular organ from it’s anatomical position.

…deep within you, you long, desire and burn with the urge to settle down, have a man to yourself, one you can call your own.

Those women, these fake facebook feminists living double lives, even double CIA agents have nothing on them! They’re experts at double facing.

They tell you their husbands do wife-y duties while they do the man’s duties, as if exchanging the penis and vagina is as easy as rain falling from the sky.

These angry women, who are misled by talks by over rated people on CNN and regional BBC channels, are torn in between preserving GOOD african culture they were brought up with and joining the woke Afro-american feminist movement.

…the urge to feel and be seen as woke, is one of the most intoxicating urges in the world..

The urge to feel and be seen as woke, is one of the most intoxicating urges in the world.

That disastrously-maddening desire, to be seen by others as rigid, woke, un-usual, strong, and whatever other adjective equalizes the woke feeling, comes upon you, grips, tightens and squeezes sense out of you

So you keep on at it, facebook post after post, other pretentious ones see you, the ones who worship the grounds their husbands walk on at home, but come online to scream, “I am the head of the family too, my husband trembles when he sees me and has agreed that we both head the family.”

…the western liberal ideology of feminism depicts and supports the controversial concept of the wife being the head of the family, alongside her husband, a belief that directly contradicts the african and biblical setting which sets the man as the head of the family..

When they see you joining in their lame rants, they hold in-house meetings on their facebook chat groups, like the ones that are held on my contact messenger app by people who are cursed with misunderstanding and daftness, whenever I say something that hits home or addresses a controversial topic.

In no time they add you up and welcome you to the family of men haters and family scatterers. They tell you you’re on a good course, that you’re doing well. You feel good, that you have arrived.

They designate the over rated title, “intellectual” to you, and openly challenge and abuse anyone who dares talk against their precious feminism.

You keep turning down suitors, afterall feminism preaches that a woman can be complete without a man. A wild imagination, probably backed up by the small juju your village people have been concocting over your head from time to time. You become the poster girl for a horror movie whenever you’re approached for marriage by any unfortunate young man

Over time, men who had developed interest in you, catching whiff of the sudden mania that has caught up with you, begin to stay away. You keep on at it! Na hard woman you be!

Na hard woman you be!

Aided by recycled, outdated quotes littered all over the internet by feminist-maniacs, you conjure article after article, laced with subliminal messages targeted against men, and whenever you drop any of them on your wall, Mark Zuckerberg’s blue app stands still, your notification button rings at a frequency higher than the number of times the telephone line of the head of the United States secret agents service does.

Your pseudo-feminists/fake feminists, the ones afore mentioned, who keep their fathers’ full names (maiden names) online, to support feminism and to proof that a woman bearing her husband’s name makes her lesser than her husband, and to also be seen by the general public as DIFFICULT WOMEN, whereas deep inside their wedding boxes, on their wedding certificates, just where the final signing is done, it bears Mr & Mrs (husband’s names).

Whenever you drop a misguided misogynistic article that sparks gender wars, you become a momentary sensation on Zuckerberg’d blue app.

You doubt? Ask many of these self ordained facebook feminist priestesses to show you the final names on their wedding certificates, and you’ll see for yourself.

If you somehow manage to find one or two, that still have the woman’s name on it, in its maiden form, then you’re lucky. Very few of these hypocrites have such guts.

And I must take a break to correct this impression: a woman can decide to keep her maiden name, for whatever reason! Whether for celebrity reasons or for a job, or it could be to avoid the stress of changing papers, or for whatever valid reason she may have…but doing it on the grounds of feminism and equality to your husband, should seriously be considered and included by the international governing body on psychiatric disorders, as an early sign of psychosis.

… keeping your maiden name after marriage for reasons of job demand, social identity regarding celebrity life, and etc; is entirely different from doing so on grounds of feminism.

‘cos I mean, the above-mentioned valid reasons aside, which I find worthy, how does you, refusing you to change your name to your husband’s name make two of you equals? Does it automatically mean you will grow a penis and large deltoid muscles overnight to match his masculinity?

Yes you’re right, outside wedlock, all men and women are equal, that’s how God created us.

But within marriage, once you say #”I do”# to a man, he automatically becomes your lord, King, husband, head and the one who owns you…and owning you does not mean in a slave-like manner or depict slavery, like you people portray it to be.

But owning you, the same way you own him, is in beautiful way. You’re his treasure, one that took him miles, mountains to climb, hills, valleys and rivers to cross, before finding you. Look at it in that way, not in a slave-master relationship.

Men and women are created equal by nature but within the confines of wedlock, the man sits as the head of the home, a setting feminism has violently opposed.

However, in a gathering of two people, one person must lead. So he must be the head of the family and home, as it is stated, clearly, in the Christian Holy book, even though some of you, for want of a means to justify your wild desires, say you’re agonistics and atheists…but denying the existence of God, isn’t that comparable to denying the existence of lungs in your thoracic cavity.

I wonder who those silent meditations you offer in moments of weakness go to? Spirits? Well even if you believe they go to the ears of spirits, it is expedient that I inform you, that God is a spirit.

Hypocrites! Living double lives just to be accepted into woke republic.

Woke facebook and offline feminists put up double lives in a bid to be inducted into woke-dom

The years run by, and surprisingly, one by one, your other feminist friends get married. They all had kept men by their sides all through those years you were instigating and fighting gender wars on facebook, they were worshipping and pampering them, doing everything a woman is supposed to do for a man, and you were there, following them, blindly.

Few years ago you clocked 40, having lived your entire 20s and 30s, waging war against men, telling other women they can always get fulfillment without having a man by their side.

These days you’re on backyard date sites created by former yahoo boys who live under the bridge in Lagos, fixing dates and begging whichever thing you see on trouser to please marry you just to wipe shame off your face.

You’re the picture of desperation.

People think it’s your village people, they assume it’s the angry ancestral spirits in your house blocking suitors front seeing you, they think it’s a case of a jealous spirit husband who has vowed to not let another man have you outside him…

Little do they know, it is with your very hands, words and actions, that you created a barrier for yourself, blocking out your chances of marrying and settling down properly the way a woman is supposed to.

My dear old sisi fool…

How could you not have noticed, that every woman who pushes feminism to the core, wears it around the waist the way a mord sith fixes an agiel in pockets around her loins, every single ambassador, of that weird ideology….is already comfortably married to a man?

How could you have been so stupid? And I thought you were wise! I really did think so!

But sorry it’s too late, kpele
Or should I say it like my people say, “Kpe, kutwa!”

These days the weird laws they permit, allows a person wed his or herself, people like you who feel they don’t need the opposite sex, you could proceed to make those arrangements, after you’ve come to an agreement with your alter egos.

You people could contract the marriage, so you can live on your own, and enjoy the life you so wanted, without a man!

And please, for once don’t tell me that shit you people say, that feminism is the answer to women’s problems.

I have a better answer, one that may interest you, and it’s PROPER EDUCATION AND ADEQUATE ENLIGHTENMENT, that’s the answer to women’s problems, my gender, that’s the answer to our problem, not a weird ideology that has shades of misogyny and man hate plastered on every corner.

My name is Idongesit Imuk, friends, family and acquaintance call me “Aidy” when they feel the burden of my name threaten to reduce the length and size of of their tongues.

Yes I am an intellectual, but sorry… I’m no feminist! Never was, and never will be

Let’s try something else, proper education and adequate enlightenment instead, and if that doesn’t work, then we know we all owe Eve beatings, scoldings and lashings, for this mess she left us in.

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